One Sweet Day
by AngelicCharisma
Summary: This is a song fiction, by the artist 'Mariah Carey'. Angel has just learned of Buffy's death and has to deal with the grief.


Revised version) ;)  
  
One Sweet Day  
  
DISCLAIMER: This character Angel is not my idea, he is created by  
  
Joss Whedon, and portrayed by David Boreanaz. The song lyrics are  
  
from Mariah Carey, featuring Boyz To Men.  
  
RATE: PG  
  
SPOILER: Season 5 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, `The Gift'  
  
Author's note: This is the grieving process in which Angel deals  
  
with when he learns that his beloved, Buffy, has died. It is viewed  
  
through his POV. The lyrics of this sad tune are the words and  
  
thoughts of the character Angel.  
  
TIP: To capture the true image of voice of this song and its  
  
meaning, listen to the song `One Sweet Day', by Maria Carey.  
  
The solemn look on her face of despair sucked me in. The air pulled  
  
me in like a vacuum, and the silence was unbearable. All I had to do  
  
was note the forlorn expression on her best friend's face, and I  
  
knew....I just knew. As my still heart dropped to my feet, and my  
  
palor skin flushed even more pale than white, my whole world ceased  
  
to turn. I had always convinced myself with each excruciating day  
  
that she was better off without me. That I could live a lie for the  
  
rest of my insufficient days of this everlasting sorrow and torture  
  
of my deep dark past, and the intolerable knowledge that I had given  
  
up Buffy for the sake of her to lead a more bright future, without my  
  
cursed soul.  
  
A whirlpool of emotions seemed to just toil me and wash my spark of  
  
hope which still resided in my soul deep within that Buffy would live  
  
on and prosper. She would battle all things vicious, because she was  
  
good. She had a pure heart in which no other possessed. And now,  
  
that tiny flame which powered my worthless being, was wiped away. It  
  
was evitable. As obvious as the mourning expression which consumed  
  
Willow whole, as she rose shakily to her feet and slowly shook her  
  
head with nothing said. And then my heart sinks as her soundless  
  
illustration stings me into a dismal stun of authenticity. I oculd  
  
not fathom what her manifestation meant, but I had known right away.  
  
Buffy, my sweet love, was gone. I would never see my precious  
  
again. And it was over. Over for her, and now, it had ended for  
  
me. All I knew now was the agony of bitter grief and insufferable  
  
pain that throbbed in my chest like incessant explosions. My first  
  
and most worst fear; no, nightmare, had come true. It had gotten the  
  
best of her. Now I felt pangs of nothing but guilt, and a burning  
  
sensation which had quelled there for moments upon end, came a  
  
torrent of tears that blinded me. I should have been there...I should  
  
have protected her from this awful affliction. Why should she of all  
  
people suffer this unfair fatality; this evil sentence?! Damn it, I  
  
should have told her, before it was too late. And now, it was.  
  
`Sorry I never told you  
  
All I wanted to say  
  
And now it's too late to hold you  
  
'Cause you've flown away  
  
So far away'  
  
Never had I imagined  
  
Living without your smile  
  
Feeling and knowing you hear me  
  
It keeps me alive  
  
Alive'  
  
After I finally overcame the doubt in my mind; the disbelief and  
  
poignant denial that my Buffy could have died...I fell apart. Willow  
  
had explained to me what my slayer had done. She was a martyr. She  
  
always had been. She had sacrificed herself to rid the world of the  
  
malevolent poisonous plague which would have swept all over the world  
  
and rid it of humanity. And now, her angelic soul...those endearing  
  
eyes that I could just drown myself in and get lost into another  
  
world of peace and happiness that I had never knew, her long silky  
  
rivulet of spun gold in which I would run through my hands, and feel  
  
the softness, the way I held her petite body...she fit so perfectly in  
  
my arms. She was so easy to hold, she'd just melt into my embrace.  
  
And I'd hold her forever if I could. Oh, if only I could. But we  
  
didn't get second chances. Or, had I evaded it?  
  
I remember braking down in a pit of bewailing and a suction which  
  
swallowed me whole. My whole mind spun like a merry-go-round, and  
  
nothing else made sense to me. I recall plenty of arms reaching for  
  
me. But I wanted to be left alone. I had to deal with this great  
  
loss, and I wanted no one else to comfort me. No, the only one who  
  
could ever do that, who could ever make anything right ever again,  
  
was her. Buffy. My love who'd I'd failed to shield from all the  
  
deadly fate. I blamed myself, I blamed her. How dare she leave me  
  
like that! I didn't even get to say goodbye to her.  
  
I choked back a river of desolation, regret moistened and rolled  
  
down my cheeks. Reality stabbed me directly in the chest with every  
  
reverberating memory of her delicate voice; so sweet and so loving.  
  
Buffy was always so caring. She'd told me once, that she'd die even  
  
for me, and almost had. Oh, and I'd have done anything for her to  
  
still be here. If only...if only...I had been there...I had just seen her  
  
only a week ago, and now, she was gone. But, where was she? I asked  
  
myself in a trembling mutter as I gasped to find my life. I had the  
  
wind and my whole meaning for existing knocked clear out of me. As  
  
my lament filled eyes fluttered upward to look above, I silently  
  
began to sob like a baby, rocking myself in a corner for at least of  
  
crumb of peace to know she was there....with me...in heaven...  
  
'And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven  
  
Like so many friends we've lost along the way  
  
And I know eventually we'll be together  
  
One sweet day'  
  
Why was she gone? Why had this happened to such a tender-hearted  
  
person like her!? Why did Buffy die, why oh why? I hollered out,  
  
screaming until my voice was gruff and raspy. I rang my fists into  
  
knuckles and I pounded the walls until I bled. Then I began to pull  
  
out my hair, as the downpour of all of our past times, both good and  
  
bad, rushed over me like icy-rigid water. I shook with terror as I  
  
knew within myself that it was my fault. I had stubbornly refused to  
  
stay with her, though her somber eyes looked up at me, and she  
  
begged me a million times over. I had betrayed my lover. And I  
  
hated myself for it. Such an innocent girl like her shouldn't have  
  
died such an agonizing death. She should have grown old, like I'd  
  
wanted her to. I had disappointed her so, by leaving her...attempting  
  
to make her realize that she didn't need me. But I needed her,  
  
though I wouldn't say it. There are so many things I wanted to let  
  
her know, so much left suppressed in my heart. I deeply cared and  
  
loved this woman. And I wanted her to live long and be happy. And  
  
now, she wouldn't be able to.  
  
As I reached up to the sky of my dark room in my bleak persecution, I  
  
whispered gently up to my Buffy...that "I was so, so ,so sorry....and  
  
that if she were to come back to me, I wouldn't ever leave her side  
  
again." I would take care of her and love her like I had promised,  
  
and then broken my word..." I clutched my scalp and I squeeze my eyes  
  
shut. Oh, how the blinding pain erupted within me, like a burning  
  
fire of inferno and anguish and pure misery drenched me and I cried  
  
until there were was no more. Until I was weak with sorrow dejection  
  
and an aching, broken heart.  
  
'Darling, I never showed you  
  
Assumed you'd always be there  
  
I took your presence for granted  
  
But I always cared  
  
And I miss the love we shared  
  
And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven  
  
Like so many friends we've lost along the way'  
  
It was a fact, and I couldn't ignore it. It glared at me in the  
  
face, that I had taken her rare love for granted. I had thought that  
  
she would abound over everything, all of the obstacles that she would  
  
come across. I believed she was strong, and she could endure.  
  
Never, in a million years of my eternal torment had I expected this  
  
blow. How could have something just gotten to her? Buffy was the  
  
Slayer and she was powerful. Even her priceless love was so  
  
prevailing that it would take one small kiss form her sensual lips,  
  
and I was done in. And the way she'd nuzzle under my chin and hold  
  
me to her, she owned enough energy to empower me and engross me in a  
  
way no other could have managed. It was impossible...but with Buffy,  
  
she could do anything. The way she had made me feel...the way I would  
  
become so nervous at the mere sight of her glistening smile and her  
  
sparkling eyes, I was captivated. Buffy had enthralled me and  
  
changed me completely. And I owed so much of a debt to her. And  
  
now, I couldn't ever repay her for what she had done for me. But  
  
what could I have done for her? I manifest a loud outburst of  
  
bereavement, as I begrudge myself for ever hurting her. Buffy never  
  
deserved it. What she had deserved was my loyalty. And now, I had  
  
to endure without the joy she had unselfishly bestowed upon me.  
  
`Sorry I never told you  
  
All I wanted to say  
  
And now it's too late to hold you  
  
'Cause you've flown away  
  
So far away  
  
Never had I imagined  
  
Living without your smile  
  
Feeling and knowing you hear me  
  
It keeps me alive  
  
Alive'  
  
I know her spirit wouldn't die that easily. I had thrived on the  
  
faith that her spirit was potent, and that nothing could destroy it.  
  
But this was too futile. All of me held on so dear to what she was,  
  
and what she meant to me. Her saccharine essence, and her  
  
effervescent laugh which was like a mantra of melodious rapture. IT  
  
was the only thing in this world which had enough supremacy to lull  
  
me.  
  
But I didn't want any consolation. I didn't want anyone to lie to me  
  
and to tell me that it was okay. It wasn't. I just wanted her  
  
back. I wanted to turn back time. But it was too merciless, her  
  
shadowy fate. It had relentlessly claimed her and ripped her away  
  
from me, tearing my very soul out of my body. I had been dead for so  
  
long, and when we first touched...I had been resurrected alive again.  
  
But now, with her dead...I was dead too. And as I whimpered throughout  
  
the harsh cold night, I could feel her presence. Because at least, I  
  
knew she loved me.  
  
'And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven  
  
Like so many friends we've lost along the way  
  
And I know eventually we'll be together  
  
One sweet day  
  
Darling, I never showed you  
  
Assumed you'd always be there  
  
I took your presence for granted  
  
But I always cared  
  
And I miss the love we shared  
  
And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven  
  
Like so many friends we've lost along the way  
  
And I know eventually we'll be together  
  
One sweet day'  
  
My life would never, ever be the same without her. She had showed me  
  
so many new things, she had taught me to love, and I had learned to  
  
be loved. We had had enjoyed so many moments together, and we had  
  
explored one another's worlds. She had articulated her hopes and  
  
dreams, and I had told her she could conquer it all.  
  
I had vowed to love her, and she had given me the honest pledge that  
  
her heart would go out to no one else. That I had it. I recall her  
  
tracing her finger down to the right of my chest, and stopping at  
  
where my heart was. Or used to be. She had given me her girlish  
  
grin and said, "Here, is where my heart is. I'm with you." I had  
  
kissed the top of her head and we had spent a night together, just in  
  
each other's arms. The world had been a safe and secure place. And  
  
now, as I crumble under the pressure of my depression that she is  
  
isn't here anymore, I hug my pillow tight, as if it is her. I curl  
  
myself in a ball of pure self loathe and the surrender to go on  
  
without Buffy. I cannot go on, I will not go on. There is no more  
  
reason to, not without her.  
  
'Although the sun will never shine the same  
  
I'll always look to a brighter day  
  
Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep  
  
You will always listen as I pray  
  
As I fall under a light slumber, since the grueling reality is too  
  
much to bare anymore, a faint smile tugs at my lips, as I see her...and  
  
she is walking towards me in all of her radiance, her marveling  
  
beauty and her elegant strides. Her vibrant smile glows like the  
  
sunshine of her hair, and we are together once again...but only in my  
  
dreams...  
  
'And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven  
  
Like so many friends we've lost along the way  
  
And I know eventually we'll be together  
  
One sweet day''  
  
I look upon her gorgeous face, as she takes my hands in hers. I am  
  
mesmerized by her luminous charm and her dazzling splendor. The most  
  
magnificent creature to ever return my love. Her eyes are like  
  
ablazing emeralds that make me buckle at the knees all over again. I  
  
am in awe, as I gaze at her, like in an intense trance. My mouth can  
  
barely muster a sound. She hushes me with a soft touch of her finger  
  
to my lips. She gradually shakes her head, as her shimmering white  
  
gown sways with her slender body, and her starry eyes glaze over at  
  
the appearance of my sadness. She frowns for a moment, and then  
  
eases me closer to her. I can smell her vanilla aroma again, as I  
  
breath it in like the first gulp of air form a drowning man. I too,  
  
am teary eyed and I again try to say what I had always wanted to, but  
  
she nods and tells me in her sing-song intonation, "I love you. I  
  
will always....love you. But this is the work I had to do. Angel, the  
  
hardest thing in this world, is to live in it...and I am okay..."  
  
I inhale and I can't stop myself as I engross myself in her wonderful  
  
eyes and cry. She takes my face in her affectionate hands and she  
  
lightly returns with the sweet brushes of her lips, "and so are  
  
you. I am with you, in you heart." Buffy slides her hand down to my  
  
breast and then she stares ardently into my eyes. As we share a  
  
zealous kiss, I take Buffy's hand and engulf it inside my palms,  
  
never wanting her to slip through my fingers ever again. I drop a  
  
fervent kiss on the back of her hand, as if were the most cherished  
  
treasure I had ever attained.  
  
Buffy mildly strokes at where my heart is and looks sternly into my  
  
eyes with all of the adulation she esteems me in. I once again  
  
strain myself to explicate how much I had always cared for her, and  
  
how bottomless my love runs for her, and that I wouldn't ever forsake  
  
her again. "Buffy, I..._" But Buffy stalls me as she quickly leans  
  
even closer to my mouth with a tentative kiss. Her succulent lips  
  
feel so real, so sweet like honey as I remembered. She then quietly  
  
murmurs, "I know. I know. I heard you. I'll always be with you,  
  
and I will always hear you."  
  
'And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven  
  
Like so many friends we've lost along the way  
  
And I know eventually we'll be together  
  
One sweet day...'  
  
Her placid eyes seem to express more passionate love than I ever  
  
thought possible and, shockingly, it appeases me with a familiar  
  
comfort in which I cannot even begin to justify. As she cups my chin  
  
in both of her hands, I reach up and I grab one fondly. As I hunger  
  
for her again, I hold it to my cheek, and she sensitively caresses my  
  
face. My free hand wraps around her waist and I rub the small of her  
  
back. I just want this time to last. I never want to go back to the  
  
way I was. I am useless and empty without her, like a hallow shell.  
  
"I need you...please..." I sigh out with a supplication to my darling.  
  
Buffy purses her lips together and sincerely rubs her thumb over my  
  
brow, as if memorizing me by touch all over again.  
  
I let my eyes flutter closed to relax and indulge in this enchanting  
  
moment, and then I open my eyes to seek hers. She gives me her sassy  
  
grin that I fell in love with the first time I laid eyes on her, and  
  
she adds pleasantly, "We will be together again, my love." And with  
  
an eternal kiss of love that seals our endless and perpetual love we  
  
have for one another, our lips meet once again as I drink her in, and  
  
her promise penetrates deep within my soul that is restored. Because  
  
I believe my lover that we *will* be with each other again. One  
  
sweet day.  
  
'....Sorry I never told you  
  
All I wanted to say'  
  
It was then that an excited female voice erupted my thoughts and my  
  
reminisce in which I had drifted off to sleep with. I awoke with a  
  
shudder at the rapid realism and actuality of the callous morning  
  
day. As I viewed my surroundings in my twisted sheets that indicated  
  
a restless night, though Buffy had gifted me with amazing grace that  
  
tranquilized my trepidations after I had reluctantly found out about  
  
her death. I squinted my eyes to see Cordelia, with a jovial  
  
countenance. And it alarmed me . I was about to bark back at her in  
  
a malicious retort that I wished to be alone as she had rudely irked  
  
me out of my blissful slumber, until she ecstatically shrieked aloud  
  
with a sounding declaration "She's alive!! Buffy, she's alive!"  
  
Please do not use this fiction, unless granted permission. I do have  
  
this date and fiction already on a website. Thank you. 


End file.
